Mazel Tov on your engagement!

What a wonderful time in your life! You've just become engaged and are now looking forward to planning the ceremony at which you and your fiancé will become united in marriage.

The purpose of this guide is to describe and explain the philosophy and policies of Temple Beth Ami concerning the wedding ceremony. We suggest that you (and your parents) read it thoroughly because it will answer many of the questions you may have. Although the guide deals primarily with weddings held in our building, most of the policies and information contained in this guide are applicable to weddings performed by Temple Beth Ami clergy at other locations. This is primarily an administrative guide. While we have included a brief description of many of the beautiful and rich components of a Jewish wedding ceremony, we cannot begin to cover them all in detail. Please feel free to ask the clergy and staff for additional information and resources (we have also included a list of references).

We are all here to help you in any way we can to make this day memorable as you begin your lives together. Please contact Diane Ferraro, Susan Neumann, or Janice Rosenblatt if there is anything we can do for you.

“ From every man and woman there emanates a light that reaches directly to heaven. And when two souls destined to be together find each other, their individual lights join as one, as a single shining beam issuing forth from their united spirit.” - The Baal Shem Tov

On your wedding day, you join the sweeping panorama of Jewish history in a unique way. In a very real sense, the future of our people is now entrusted to your care. Your love for one another given new expression through your marriage vows, makes you the newest link in a chain of tradition dating back over 5000 years.

Yours is a story that began in the Garden of Eden with the first couple, Adam and Eve. Your lives are interlocked with those of Abraham and Sarah, of Isaac and Rebekah, of Jacob, Leah and Rachel, and of all those who came after them.

What you are today is the cumulative product of layer upon layer of family tradition, ethnic folkways, religious practices, faith, and cultural history.

On your wedding day you become as one with a proud and noble people that has blessed the world in many ways. Its continuity is now passed down to you. The images of the future are yours to create as the new guarantors of creative Jewish life. May your life together bring you much love, good health, the sense of fulfillment that comes from a relationship of genuine mutual respect and commitment, and a sense of purpose as builders of a people commanded to “be a blessing.”

Excerpted from “The Jewish Wedding Book” by Rabbi Daniel B. Syme

Who May Marry at Temple Beth Ami

Couples, both of whom are of the Jewish faith, who are members in good standing of the congregation or a child (children) of members in good standing, may be married in our sanctuary or chapel, or by our clergy at another location. Couples who are not members of Temple Beth Ami, including children of former members of the congregation who wish to be married by our Rabbi(s) and Cantor may do so at the discretion of the Rabbi(s) and Cantor. According to Temple policy, the clergy cannot commit to non-member weddings until six months' before the event.

Who May Perform the Ceremony

The Rabbi(s) and/or the Cantor are pleased to officiate at the wedding of congregants or children of congregants. You must make an appointment with the clergy in advance of selecting the date for the wedding. If you wish more than one of the clergy, you will need to contact each person individually. It is also important that you meet well in advance of the ceremony to discuss the service and any special requests for the ritual or music content that you may have.

Some couples desire that another Rabbi or Cantor participate in the ceremony with our Rabbi(s) and Cantor. Our Clergy will coofficiate with another Clergy if it is discussed in advance, preferably when setting the date. The sanctuary may be used by a Clergy other than our Clergy only at the discretion of our Senior Rabbi.

Setting the Date

Before selecting your date and making any arrangements for the celebration after the ceremony, it is necessary to first call the Rabbi(s) and/or Cantor individually to confirm the date and time for the ceremony; you must also check with the office for building availability. Traditionally, we avoid scheduling weddings on major festivals and fast days, which include the first and last days of Pesach and Sukkot, Shavuot, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur. We take a more lenient view on scheduling ceremonies during the 49 days between the second night of Pesach and the beginning of Shavuot; weddings may always be held on Lag B'Omer, Rosh Chodesh, and Yom Ha-Atzmaut, which fall during this period. Couples may inquire about scheduling weddings during the period between the two somber fast days during the summer, the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av, usually mid-July to mid-August. Weddings may be held on Saturday evenings, after Shabbat. It is important to confirm with the clergy the earliest time that the ceremony can begin.

Renting the Sanctuary, Chapel and Social Hall

Rental arrangements for the Sanctuary or Chapel and Social Halls must be made through the office as soon as you have confirmed your date with the Rabbi(s) and the Cantor. The Sanctuary seats 450 people; the Chapel seats 120. The Kinneret Social Hall can accommodate 300 guests, and the Yarden Social Hall can accommodate 120 guests (each social hall includes a dance floor of fixed size). The rental of either social hall includes the adjoining lobby; the courtyard and outdoor garden can be rented separately. There is a nominal rental fee for the Sanctuary or Chapel, which includes the use of the chuppah. A current fee schedule can be requested through the office. All accounts must be current at the time of rental, and rental fees must be paid in full 60 days prior to the rental. Caterers must be pre-approved by the Temple and, if they have not catered in the building before, must meet with the Executive Director or Administrator in advance of the event. Proof of insurance and a equipment use waiver must be on record in the Temple office. A custodian will be in the building during the ceremony and reception. On Sundays, weddings cannot be scheduled before 3:00 p.m.; the wedding party cannot have access to the building until after 1:30 p.m. The Sanctuary, Chapel, and Social Halls can be made available to florists and caterers after 1:30 p.m. If either the Sanctuary or Social Hall are being used for other purposes, access will be delayed until the rooms are cleaned and reset. Access for Saturday evening weddings is determined by the use of the building in the afternoon. These events are scheduled on the Temple calendar well in advance, so you will be informed when you discuss your dates with the Temple office. Wedding rentals include the use of the Bride’s room, a room for the groom to change, and a room for the Ketubah signing.

Fees

No fee is charged by our clergy for officiating at the wedding of Temple members or their children. A contribution to their Discretionary Funds or another Temple fund is always an appropriate way to express your appreciation. The fee schedule for a non-member wedding should be discussed with the Clergy well in advance and is payable on the first of the month in which the wedding is to occur.

Licenses

It is the responsibility of the bride and groom to obtain the marriage license. You must apply in person for a marriage license at the circuit court in the jurisdiction in which you will be married.  For a wedding held in the Temple, you must go to the Montgomery County Department of Marriage Licenses, 50 Courthouse Square, Room 11, Rockville, MD -- (301) 217-7075. The office is open from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., Monday through Friday.  A non-refundable fee is charged, payable by cash or money order only. Proof of age and social security number must be presented for both parties.

If this is a second marriage, proof of divorce or a statement concerning the death of the spouse is required. There is a 48-hour waiting period after application is made. The license then may be picked up within 90 days, and is valid for 6 months. Please call the department at the number listed above for any changes and current information. If previously married and divorced, Reform Judaism does not require a "get," a religious divorce agreement; it is recommended, however, if you are planning to have children. Please discuss this with the Clergy at your initial meeting.

Rehearsal

The Sanctuary will be made available for a rehearsal prior to the ceremony, if necessary. Arrangements should be made directly with the officiating Clergy. There are no "rules of etiquette" for the wedding procession. It is suggested that the family make a diagram of the chuppah and the bema, including placement of all clergy and members of the wedding party. From the diagram, you may plan the order of the procession, taking into account the varying needs of the family. It is suggested that a friend of the family, not included in the wedding party, be responsible for sending members of the wedding party down the aisle.

Reception Before the Ceremony

Some couples request a reception prior to the ceremony, especially during the seasons when Shabbat ends late in the evening. It is our policy that ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL MAY BE SERVED BEFORE THE CEREMONY BEGINS. Also, if a pre-nuptial reception is held, no food or drinks may be carried into the Sanctuary or Chapel. There is a rental fee for the room(s) used; rental arrangements must be made with the Temple office.

Receiving Line

The choice of a receiving line immediately following the ceremony is personal. The Clergy are not expected to be part of the line, even though they look forward to greeting your family members and friends.

Appropriate Dress

Holding a wedding ceremony in our Sanctuary or Chapel is a significant expression of the bride's and groom's ongoing commitment to Judaism and Jewish values. An expression of your commitment to the sacredness of this occasion is shown in your selection of appropriate and proper dress for the synagogue, for you, for the wedding party and for your invited guests. Please encourage your guests to come to the synagogue dressed in a manner appropriate to a sacred setting.

Dressing Area

There is a comfortable Brides’ room available in the Temple for the bride and her attendants; the groom and his groomsmen may reserve a room. The Brides’ room is adjacent to a bathroom, and has a large, full length mirror and closet.

Photos, Audio Taping, Video Taping

Still Photography
Flash photographs may be taken before or after the ceremony, either in the Sanctuary, Chapel or in another location. Arrangements must to be made in advance with the Temple office to ensure that the building and Sanctuary or Chapel can be available to you for the time you require.
Additional rental costs are assessed for the additional time a custodian is employed. Flash photography is permitted at the signing of the Ketubah and during the wedding procession. No flash photography is permitted during the ceremony. The photographer may take pictures from a fixed position at the rear of the Sanctuary, using natural light only. At the conclusion of the ceremony, the photographer may come forward to photograph the breaking of the glass and the recessional, using flash. No additional large standing lights are permitted in the Sanctuary or Chapel during the ceremony.

Videography
Videography is permitted before the ceremony, during the signing of the Ketubah, the processional, the breaking of the glass, and the recessional. The videographer may record the ceremony from a fixed position at the rear of the sanctuary. A stationary camcorder is located at the rear of our Sanctuary; please arrange for its use through the Temple office. A stationary camcorder is permitted on the bema during the ceremony, as long as it does not interfere with the wedding party or officiants. Please remember that the amount of space under the chuppah is relatively small.

Audio Taping
Audio taping is available through the sound system. Please arrange to bring a tape; a family friend or usher will be shown how to turn it on immediately preceding the service. Please be sure to take the tape with you at the conclusion of the service.

Music

It is most appropriate and beautiful to use Jewish music during the procession to the chuppah and at the ceremony’s conclusion. The choice of music is a personal decision and should be discussed with the clergy while planning the details of the ceremony. The Temple has a piano which can be placed in the Sanctuary, to be played by a professional musician hired by the family; other instruments can also be used. Due to its smaller size, a keyboard is recommended for the Chapel.

Sanctuary Arrangement and Flowers

The Executive Director or Temple Administrator must be notified at least one week in advance as to what you will be needing in the Sanctuary or Chapel. All furniture on the bema, except for the small round table, will be removed to make room for the chuppah and the wedding party.  Additional flowers for the Sanctuary and the white runner for the ceremony may be rented from local florists. Please let the office know the name of your florist and the time requirements for additional decoration (there may be a charge for additional custodial time if necessary).

Leaving the Temple

For safety and ecological reasons, rice may not be thrown at the bride and groom when they exit the building. We suggest using bird seed as an alternative and ask that it is thrown away from the entrance to the building. Please ask a friend or a member of the wedding party to collect anything you wish to keep from the ceremony (audio or video tapes, Ketubah, Kippot, wine cup, broken glass or any other personal articles) and anything remaining in the Temple.

Jewish Wedding Traditions

Aufruf
Aufruf is a German word meaning "calling up" and refers to a celebration in the Temple on the Shabbat preceding the wedding. The prospective bride and groom are called to the Torah for a blessing for their happiness by the Clergy. At Temple Beth Ami, an aufruf is held at an Erev Shabbat service prior to the wedding, when the bride and groom may receive a public blessing before the open ark. Arrangements for an aufruf should be made through the Assistant to the Clergy.

Kippot
Our clergy wear kippot and tallit while officiating at the ceremony. The congregation has kippot available for your guests at all times in the Sanctuary and Chapel. If the wedding party is wearing kippot, you may wish to provide similar kippot for your guests (these may be ordered and personalized through our Judaica Shop).

Fasting
It is the custom for many couples to fast on the day of their wedding in preparation for their covenant with each other. The couple break fast together when they drink from the first cup of wine under the chuppah. The congregation respects the wishes of couples who choose to fast. However, we suggest that, to avoid the possibility of someone becoming faint from a long day of anticipation and excitement without food, that fruit, fruit juice, or a light snack be made available prior to the ceremony for the couple and the wedding party.

Ketubah
Ketubah literally means "written" and refers to the marriage contract signed just prior to the ceremony and read at the ceremony. Jewish men and women who are not blood relatives serve as witnesses to the signing. The signing of the Ketubah is usually held in the Alef-Bet Conference Room prior to the start of the ceremony; however, you may also choose to have a public Ketubah signing. The Temple’s Judaica Shop provides the bride and groom with a choice of Ketubot from traditional and non-traditional styles. The couple may also commission a Ketubah as a work of art from local artists or purchase their own from various sources.

Chuppah
The chuppah or marriage canopy, which symbolizes the home, is supported by four poles, under which the bride, groom and family stand during the wedding. The chuppah can be a plain tallit or cloth held by relatives or friends. It is an honor to be asked to hold the poles of a chuppah. A free-standing canopy or any other form of chuppah may also be used. The Temple has commissioned a chuppah for use at weddings in the Sanctuary or Chapel. This beautiful work of art was designed expressly for us by renowned fiber artist Shirley Waxman. Use of the chuppah is included in the Sanctuary or Chapel rental. If you choose to use another chuppah, no adjustment can be made to the rental costs.

Wedding Rings
In Jewish law, a verbal declaration of marriage is not legally binding in and of itself. There must be an act of kinyan -- a formal, physical acquisition. Without the groom’s giving and the bride’s acceptance of some object of nominal value, there is no marriage. Since the 7th Century a ring has been the traditional object of exchange. If you have any questions about the ring(s) you have chosen to use, please ask the clergy.

Circling
While there is a Biblical source for the custom, the bride’s circling the groom is not required according to Halakha (Jewish Law). It is a very old custom that varies with practice and there are many explanations for the practice. Today many couples choose to each circle the other. The clergy will discuss this custom further if you wish.

Wine for Kiddush
A Kiddush cup used for the blessings during the service must be provided by the bride or groom. Kosher white wine is supplied by the family.

The Ceremony

ERUSIN: Betrothal

Birkat erusin. The Rabbi or Cantor reads or chants the betrothal blessing. Erusin begins with the blessing over the wine. The birkat erusin is recited. The bride and groom drink from the same cup, symbolically affirming that throughout life they will experience both joy and sorrow, but always together.

The Ring Ceremony. In traditional ceremonies, the groom places the ring on the bride’s right index finger and recites the legal words of betrothal, the Harei at. The bride may do the same. Couples may choose to supplement the Harei at with vows they have personally composed. Following the exchange of vows, the ketubah is read.

NISSIUN: Marriage

Sheva Brachot. This is the heart of the ceremony, called nissuin. As with betrothal, nissuin has its own blessing over the wine. The essence of nissuin is the chanting of the sheva brachot, including the blessing over wine.

Breaking the Glass

The wedding ceremony concludes with the Clergy's formally pronouncing the couple husband and wife and blessing them. The groom then breaks the glass. This custom began in post-Talmudic times. In some modern ceremonies, the bride as well as the groom breaks the glass. The couple purchases a specific kind of glass described by the Clergy, and inserts it in a zip-lock plastic bag. It is wrapped in a linen napkin for the ceremony. With the approval of the Clergy, an alternate covering may be provided. The glass breaking is followed by everyone yelling "Mazel Tov" and "Siman Tov," two Hebrew phrases that convey a sense of congratulations. It is the responsibility of someone in the wedding party to retrieve the broken glass if the couple wishes to keep it.

Yichud

After the ceremony, many brides and grooms choose to spend 10 or 15 minutes alone together before joining their guests. This is a time of reflection, of sharing something to eat, and of relaxing before the party. The Bride’s room can be used to this time.

Reference Books (among many available)

• The New Jewish Wedding by Anita Diamant
• The Jewish Wedding Book by Rabbi Daniel B. Syme

We hope this guide has been of assistance to you. The entire staff is here to help in any way to make your wedding special and memorable. Please feel free to call on us.